Now Accepting Resumes

  • me: in other news
  • kellie said she'd collect resumes and headshots for me of the single guys this guy knows
  • what could POSSIBLY go wrong
  • Travis: that's amazing
  • i want to see some of these
  • it better happen, i'm psyched for this now. can i be like, a cultural consultant as you review the resumes and headshots?
  • we could do a form field on a site they have to go to and complete... and there will be questions like "Do you know how to repair an automotive alternator?" and "Dont' Blink! a) uhm, ok b) whatever c) THE ANGELS HAVE THE PHONE BOX"
  • me: YES
  • Absolutely yes
  • me: we'll need to rate cooking ability
  • whether or not they have a cat allergy
  • Travis: cooking... cats... books, we needs some good book knowledge as well, or at least someone you won't kill over their reading tastes... or worse, the "oh, i don't read."
  • which... you ILLITERATE FUCK
  • me: hahahahaha
  • there should be a feature
  • just for those people
  • "oh, i don't read"
  • auto redirects to a website flashing the words "YOU ILLITERATE FUCK"
  • Travis: YUS.

RULES FOR LIFE from the Bloggess

1. Don’t be shitty.

2. Don’t make happy people sad.

3. Don’t make sad people sadder.

4. If more than two people tell you that you’re being an asshole, consider that maybe you’re being an asshole.

5. Flush the toilet behind you.  You’re grossing us all out.

6. Support the under-dog.

7. Critics aren’t automatically bullies and you’re doing yourself a disservice if you ignore all of them out of hand.  That being said, it sucks to read shitty stuff about yourself so find an honest friend to read your criticism and tell you if it’s something worth listening to or if the critic is just a crazy fucking douche-canoe.

8. Real bullies are complete assholes but they can’t recognize themselves as such so maybe spray paint an “x” on their forehead so that we can all just recognize them from a distance and ignore them.

9. Be stupid.  Be childlike.  Be ridiculous.  Be happy.

10. Don’t use the word “literally” when you really mean “figuratively”.  It literally makes me want to stab you a little but I don’t do it because that’s illegal and also because I have a very limited amount of knives.

11. Read more.  Watch shows that inspire you.  Embrace whatever makes you geek out.  Even if it’s Laura Ingalls.  Because Laura Ingalls is fascinating and there’s nothing wrong with obsessively knowing every detail about her life and death.  Stop judging me.  

12. Bite off more than you can chew.  You can always spit it out on the floor if you decide you don’t like it.  Women do it all the time.

12b. Embrace your flaws and foibles.  If people make fun of you, kick them in the back and then blame it on a ghost.

14. Don’t let other people on the internet tell you what to do.  Unless it’s this list.  Then I guess just use your best judgement.

15. Become a pirate.  Or a monster truck.  Or a space toddler.  Or a jacket.  That’s my favorite one.  I just jump on someone’s back and say “Sorry.  You looked cold.  Zip me up.”  It’s awesome.

16. Do something nice for someone you love.

17. Do something nice for a perfect stranger.

18. Do something nice for you.

19. Do ‘The Robot’.

20.  Add your own.  Go ahead.  You can’t fuck this up any more than I have.

http://thebloggess.com/2013/05/rules-for-life/

  • me: i have to admit... i'm about ready to go live in the moutains in a cabin, off the grid, outside of so-called human society.
  • me: people may say i'm running away, but what i'm really doing is preventing the rise of a true supervillian.